Interacting With Your Protector
Externalization: Interacting with Your Protector
In this phase, you’ll engage in a meaningful dialogue
with your Protector—a part of you that emerged to shield you from perceived
dangers, often rooted in past experiences. While its intentions are good, your
Protector may sometimes react in ways that are no longer helpful in your
current life. This step is about creating understanding, building trust, and
guiding your Protector to adopt a more balanced role. By doing so, you can
transform this part of yourself from an overreactive force into a supportive
ally.
How to Begin
Your Protector isn’t something to fight against or
suppress—it’s a part of you that needs understanding, validation and reassurance. By
imagining this part as something outside yourself—whether it’s a person,
object, sensation, or even an animal—you can interact with it more effectively.
The goal is to communicate with your Protector as you
would with a trusted friend. Use language that is compassionate, supportive,
and rooted in the reality of your present circumstances. Remember, this
interaction isn’t about judgment; it’s about acknowledgment, collaboration, and
growth.
Let It Flow Naturally
This stage is about exploring and connecting with your
Protector in a way that feels natural and personal to you. Let your thoughts
flow freely, without worrying about getting it “right.” The examples below are
here to guide and inspire you—they’re not a script. You’ll find your own words
that resonate with your unique experiences. It’s okay if the process feels
messy or uncertain—that’s all part of the journey.
For instance:
·
You might find yourself saying to
your Protector: “I know you’re working hard to keep me safe, and I
appreciate it. But we’re not in danger anymore. Let’s figure out a better way
to respond.”
·
Or, you may discover reassurance by
speaking to a younger version of yourself: “I see you. I know you’re scared,
and that’s okay. I’m here now, and I’ll take care of us.”
These phrases are simply starting points. Your unique
experiences will guide you toward what feels authentic and healing in the
moment. Whether it’s speaking softly to your Protector or reminding yourself
that “it’s okay to walk away,” this stage is about exploration and finding what
works for you.
Prompt 2: Interaction with Protector
Script to Guide You:
“Now, ask your Protector how exhausting it is to always
be on high alert. Imagine how great it would be for them to finally rest and
only step in when truly needed. During this phase, tell your Protector anything
you need to—reassure it, thank it, explain the current reality, or ask for its
help in new ways.”
How to Communicate with Your Protector
1. Acknowledge Its Role and Intentions
Begin by recognizing and appreciating your Protector’s
efforts. This sets the tone for an open and trusting dialogue.
· Example:
“I know you’re always trying to keep me safe, and I
appreciate how hard you’ve worked to protect me.”
2. Reassure It of Your Current Safety
Help your Protector understand that the threats it is
reacting to are no longer present.
· Example:
“I’m safe now. My partner has shown they are loving and
supportive. We don’t need to jump to defend ourselves every time they raise
their voice.”
3. Tell It the Reality of the Situation
Share the facts about your present circumstances to help
your Protector see things differently.
· Example:
“I’m not that scared kid anymore. I’m an adult now, and
I can handle criticism or discomfort without feeling unsafe.”
4. Ask How Exhausting It Feels to Be on High Alert
Validate the energy and effort your Protector uses and
invite it to consider resting.
· Example:
“It must be so tiring for you to always be on guard.
Wouldn’t it feel better to take a break and come to my aid only when I truly
need you?”
· Example:
“You’ve been working so hard to keep us safe, but I’ve
got this now. Let me take the lead.”
5. Tell It What You Need
Clearly express how you want your Protector to adapt its
role to better fit your current life.
· Example:
“I need your help to stay calm and confident, not to
make me feel defensive or push people away. Let’s work together to respond in a
way that’s helpful now.”
6. Speak Like You Would to a Friend
Imagine you’re talking to a close friend in a similar
situation. Use the same compassion and wisdom you’d offer them when addressing
your Protector.
· Example:
“If I were my friend, I’d say, ‘You’ve been through so
much, but it’s safe now. You don’t have to keep fighting so hard to protect
us.’”
· Example:
“You’ve done an amazing job, but you deserve to rest.
We’re safe, and we can handle this together.”
Examples to Inspire You
Acknowledging Exhaustion
· “I know you’re trying to protect me,
but it must be exhausting to always overreact or make me feel this way when
there’s no real threat. We’re safe now, and you don’t have to work so hard
anymore.”
Recognizing Past Roles
· “I understand why you’re so vigilant.
You had to protect me back then because dad was awful. But things are different
now—I’ve grown, and I can handle this.”
Reassuring Safety
· “The person we’re talking to now
isn’t dangerous. My partner has shown they’re kind and trustworthy. You don’t
need to sound the alarm every time I feel vulnerable.”
Shifting Focus
· “Instead of barking at everything,
like a guard dog, let’s focus on sniffing out what’s really important. If
there’s no real danger, we can relax.”
Telling It What You Need
· “I need you to help me stay calm and
see situations clearly, not make me overreact. Let’s work together to navigate
this in a way that feels better.”
Tips for Effective Interaction
· Go with What Comes to Mind:
These examples are here to guide you, but feel free to
modify them to fit your unique experiences and emotions. It’s okay if it
doesn’t feel precise or perfect—just let the process flow naturally.
· Use a Gentle Tone:
Speak kindly and patiently, as though you’re reassuring
a younger or more vulnerable part of yourself.
· Be Honest and Direct:
Tell your Protector, and yourself the truth about what
you’re feeling and what you need in the moment.
· Acknowledge Exhaustion:
Recognize the toll of constant hypervigilance and offer
your Protector permission to rest.
Why This Matters
Interacting with your Protector helps reframe its role
from a reactive force to a supportive ally. By validating its efforts,
addressing its concerns, and guiding it toward new behaviors, you create space
for growth, healing, and resilience. This process reduces the impact of past
traumas and fosters a stronger connection to your sense of safety and
self-confidence. It also begins to help you self-regulate and calm your body
down - no longer getting dysregulated by triggering events - the active part of
building new neural pathways - your body and brain saying "we're strong,
we're calm, and we got this.
Thoughts on:
Interacting with your Protector helps reframe its role
from a reactive force to a supportive ally. By validating its efforts,
addressing its concerns, and guiding it toward new behaviors, you create space
for growth, healing, and resilience. This process reduces the impact of past
traumas and fosters a stronger connection to your sense of safety and
self-confidence. Articulating your current realities and internal dialogues
during this interaction is crucial, as it fosters clarity, aligns your
protective responses with present-day truths, and helps reshape old patterns
into healthier, more supportive behaviors. It also begins to help you self-regulate
and calm your body down - no longer getting dysregulated by triggering events -
the active part of building new neural pathways - your body and brain saying
"we're strong, we're calm, and we got this.
Moving Forward
Over time, you may notice your Protector starts to adapt,
stepping in only when truly needed and offering support in ways that align with
your current needs. Keep practicing these conversations, refining your
approach, and embracing the transformation as your Protector evolves into a
trusted partner on your healing journey.
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